Ah, the unwanted piece of soggy white bread in a “Look over here!!!” open-faced attention sandwich; truly one of the more awkward third wheel situations. If that uncomfortable non-smile on Reese Witherspoon’s face was any tighter, she could pressure-squeeze a dozen lemons and make a batch of lemonade for the thirsty bitches beside her.
Reese reunited with her Cruel Intentions co-stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair last night to watch that Cruel Intentions parody musical that Reese’s kids definitely have no interest in seeing, and SMG and Selma decided to make things weird for Reese by recreating their mouth-humping moment from the movie before the show. That’s all well and good, but what I really wanted to see was Sarah Michelle Gellar walk up to a random usher and hiss “I don’t fuck losers.”
As much as I want to roll my eyes and bust out the Do You Need Some Attention? tag, I can’t, because I love Cruel Intentions and my heart won’t let me. Every time my brain thinks “Ugh, these two“, my heart slaps it across its dumb brain face and screams “How DARE you! Show some respect you tacky tramp, that’s bitch legend Kathryn Merteuil you’re talking about.”
If only Reese’s drunk alter-ego Laura Jeanne Poon had something to say about all this. No, you’re right – she wouldn’t have to say anything. The dollar bills she’d be throwing at them while cackling “GET IT, GIRL!” would say it all.
Here’s more of Reese, Sarah Michelle, and Selma’s Cruel Intentions mini-reunion last night. Yes, they Instagrammed the hell out of it. I’ve also thrown in a couple pics of Reese Witherspoon subtly hustling a $ 155 tote bag from DraperJames.com while cruising around Beverly Hills yesterday.